When my husband left for Alaska in 2007, I was happy. Two weeks before he had given me the "suck it up, you're not the only person this has ever happened to" speech about getting over my broken leg. I was pissed. Seriously. He went straight out into the bush and couldn't call for 3 weeks. It was a very good thing. I didn't want to talk to him, hear from him, nothing. People, I can carry a grudge like nobody's business. {Thanks Dad.}
When he finally called, it was okay. I could talk to him without getting angry and it was a really good cooling off period. We spoke periodically, but never at length. When he came home after two months, it was strained. I was glad to see him; he was glad to see me, but there was tension. We took a road trip to see a friend get married and re-connected. I finally got the chance to tell him how angry I was for so long and he listened and apologized. It was good.
This year he left for Alaska in mid-June. He comes back this Saturday. I can barely speak about how much I have missed him this summer. I spent the first 2 months yearning for him. Not in a physical sense, but in the way when something happens (good or bad) I wanted to tell him and get his input. I wanted to talk to him and have him talk to me - I just wanted to hear his voice. He couldn't call for the first 2 weeks he was in camp. Then he borrowed someone's satellite phone. We got to speak for about 7 minutes before the connection went out. I sat staring at the phone for 10 minutes willing him to call back. It was another week before he could hike to someplace with a phone.
In July, he called, "I have about 2 and a half weeks off at the beginning of August. Come."
I said, "I don't know, Sassy's field hockey practice has started. Little Big Man's football practice has started. I'm awfully busy at work ..."
Jillian said, "Why are you even thinking about this?!! Your husband wants you to come and visit him and you're hesitating? Get off the phone right now and make an airline reservation!"
I did. We spent a week at the beginning of August driving around and seeing the gorgeous sites of Alaska. I can see why he loves it so much and we didn't even leave what passes for civilization.
Then I had to leave.
We wandered around the hotel room for a couple of hours before leaving for the airport. Finally I said, "Let's just go and get this over with." We walked out to the car and before I even got the door open, I burst into tears.
He looked at me and said, "What the hell is this?" (I'm not known for my crying.)
I said, "This is so much harder than when you left me! When I'm at home, I have all my comforting things around me. I'm leaving you here all alone!" (Okay, that's what I would have said if it weren't for the great, hiccuping sobs.)
Somehow he got me to the airport and we said goodbye. When I turned to look back one more time while I was getting my boarding pass, he was gone.
I have since told him that I cannot do that again. It was too hard to leave, knowing that it would be another 5 weeks before he came home. He's in a place where we can talk every couple of days, but these last few weeks have been especially difficult. I'm dealing with teen angst (x2!) and the chaos that is the start of the school year.
It's our 20th anniversary today. Last night when I talked to him I asked if he would do it all again. He said, "Absolutely!" before I could even finish the sentence. Me too.
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. What a beautiful post!! And, I am sitting here hungering for that kind of relationship. Happy Anniversary my friend!
Posted by: Kat | September 20, 2008 at 04:52 PM